I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
