dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
