I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
