She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You were trust falling into bushes
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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