We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
