Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
