Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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