im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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