that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
