I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Someone came in the potted fern
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
