The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
