Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
