she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
