How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
