So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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