Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I will be naked everywhere
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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