'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
