thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
