Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Boobs are out for the taking
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
