do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
