my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
