I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
