Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
