It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
