peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
