In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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