2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
