C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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