I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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