It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
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