She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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