i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
