A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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