Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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