AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
