god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
