Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
