Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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