So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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