I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
