I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
