i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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