Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
