Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Are my feet made of real feet?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Randomize
