I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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