i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
