It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
