she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
