I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
