god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
