I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
