but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
